Miracles
by Aerois
Summary: "But that day he admitted to himself that maybe, just perhaps, miracles were one of the things he could believe in." Squall inadvertently prompts a very serious heart to heart between him and his recently discovered father. Through all of the hurt feelings, and everything left unsaid, can they forge a stronger bond in the end? A one-shot. Happy Birthday, Squall.


_I've been working on this little piece for a while, and have had this little idea in my head for literally years. I'm glad I finally got around to putting this into words. Happy Birthday, Sqaull._

* * *

_Sometime- could be weeks, or months, or years- after the conclusion of FFVIII, after Laguna sits Squall down and explains him a thing about his parentage, they slowly get used to it and become more familiar with each other. Eventually, they're at a point where it's half being comfortable with each other and half not knowing what to say most of the time if no one else is in the room. _

But at one point, in a rare moment of Squall actually voicing that sarcastic, inner snark of his (because of course, personal growth doesn't stop when the game ends, and Squall still hasn't quite found himself) the young man decides to speak his mind during a conversation with Laguna on something he'd always been a little concerned about (try as he may to deny it to himself).

"So I was an accident, then?" he asks, trying to sound lighthearted, but to his surprise it comes out with a hint of bitterness. Both of them are caught off guard by the sudden change of atmosphere, but Laguna had long since known something like this would come up eventually. You can't just waltz into a kid's life after missing roughly the first two decades of it and not expect there to be some hard feelings.

Though he'd been dreading this conversation for what felt like forever, the answer finally came to him. Maybe he could be his usual self; laugh it off and make a joke to diffuse the situation, and hope his son would either chalk it up to Laguna being a plain idiot and bring it up again later or even better, get the message beneath the joke and, strangely enough, take it seriously. But those chances are slim to none. The older man knows Squall hates this sort of talk, and he's not great at spouting it out (and he briefly wonders if a shared trait like that is a good or bad thing), but nonetheless knows he needs to say it, because the boy needs to hear it.

Even with the answer he's not sure where to start, and he's not sure how Squall will take it. He takes a deep breath regardless and does what he's done with every other problem he's ever faced: he jumps right in.

"What makes you think that?" he questions back, trying to sound neutral. Unless he was completely open about this, it wouldn't go well at all. Squall looks away and frowns, the buried anger and doubt finally surfacing. He brought it up, he may as well finish it.

"Well I mean," he coughs, not expecting it to be this difficult. "It's obvious I wasn't exactly "planned" or whatever you wanna call it. And you told me before that you didn't know Raine was, well..." The entire thing has just gotten so _awkward_. What was he supposed to call the woman? Mother? Mom? He'd never even met her. Nevermind the fact that it was weird as hell to even mention her being _pregnant_ with him. He continues on, hoping to cover up his nerves. "So the only conclusion I can come up is that I was what most people call an "accident" child. …Not that it really matters or anything, I just kind of… wondered."

There, he'd said it. He hadn't looked his father in the face the entire time, because he might have died from it, but he'd said it.

"Squall, look at me."

Oh no.

"Please?"

Alarms begin to blare in his mind, and the hands resting on his crossed arms instinctively flinch. Something about having eye contact during this soul-sucking conversation would just bring it from painful to torturous. He'd actually _been_ tortured before, and since then had hoped to never be again, though at that moment he almost would have preferred potentially deadly electric volts than having to stare into that man's eyes. What was it about making eye contact in this situation being so difficult? It was easier for him to detach himself from the entire scene if he spoke to the wall. Eye contact brought in that element of personal closeness, that unspoken message of being solely important to the person you were speaking to. It was almost scary thinking about having so much attention placed on him, even just by one person.

But Laguna wasn't just anyone, was he? That was the hard part about being with Laguna, and especially looking him straight in the eyes. It wasn't just because of the strange, crazy adventure they shared. It wasn't even because Laguna was his father—okay, it _was_, but not completely—but it was because Laguna had this strange effect on people. It was as though just by looking at someone, he could see right into their hearts. They say the eyes are windows to the soul, and Laguna seemed to understand that perfectly. Being eye to eye with Laguna felt almost like just opening your mouth and spilling every secret you ever had. But not because he made you. It was because he always seemed so open, so trustworthy. He was the kind of person you couldn't resist being totally and deeply honest with. And maybe that irresistible pull, that virtually unavoidable urge to give up everything, to lay oneself out and be vulnerable to Laguna was what made it so frightening. He'd never opened up completely to anyone, unless that time Rinoa was in a coma was to be counted. Perhaps, Squall pondered, that strange beckoning aura was why he had been such a successful leader, as unorganized as he was. Laguna was accepting and gave everyone a chance. He was patient.

Even now, it showed. Here Squall was, as far as Laguna knew, ignoring him. And he wouldn't push it either. He sat there, patient as ever, just waiting for Squall to react. At the same time, he was being firm. It became apparent to Squall that Laguna was not backing down. He wanted to have his son's full attention, and nothing less. The mercenary sighs inwardly, reasoning that if he can defeat the most powerful sorceress of all time, he can at least look one man in the eyes for a few minutes.

And so, with great reluctance and no small amount of apprehension, he turns to Laguna.

"Squall…" he begins, and can't help but let out a small sigh before he gets any further. They weren't incredibly close yet by any means, which meant Laguna had to take great care in everything he said to his recently found son. Much like him, Squall was a very sensitive individual, despite his protests and cold exterior. And if Squall was just as sensitive as he was, then that meant making the wrong move here could frighten him from being open with his father and set them back big time, something that had been a concern of Laguna's since the beginning. Sometimes, he'd even lie awake at night worrying that the smallest mistake would send him running away. But perhaps that was just part of being a parent. With all of these doubts and worries in his mind, it was difficult to see the right path. There were so many things he wanted to tell his son, but was he ready for that? Could Squall handle taking their relationship to the next step? If Squall's sudden emotional outburst was any indication, then there was a chance he was. _'Well,'_ he reasoned, _'Only one way to find out!' _With a barely perceptible intake of air, Laguna opened his mouth to speak again. If Squall wanted truth, then it was truth he would get.

"Squall, _nothing_ could be further from the truth than that." Laguna watches his son's eyes widen for just a moment, before narrowing back in suspicion. It's plain to him that his son wants more of an explanation, but to Laguna it's a wonderful sign. This means Squall is _listening._ He's captured Squall's attention; now all there is left to do is give his son everything he's got and let the pieces fall where they may.

'_Even if he doesn't believe me, even if this is too much for him and he runs away… Just as long as he's happy. This is all I can do.'_

Squall sees his father's expression glaze over with a look of both peace and sadness; a longing for a past that's long gone. He smiles, but Squall could swear he's never looked more miserable.

"Your mother and I had always considered Elle to be our daughter, even before we got married. When we finally did get married, we felt like a family. Me and your mother were happy to have each other and Elle, and Elle was happy to have both of us too."

Squall's stony, guarded expression falters just a little bit. He'd seen that happiness before, in those dreams. He saw all too vividly the love that was shared between his sister and his parents. For a moment, he grieves that his sister lost something so precious to her. He almost feels pity for Laguna—after all, he'd lost his wife and someone he considered a daughter. Laguna lost his family too, didn't he? But then Squall remembers how he'd never gone looking for Ellone after defeating Adel, and he remembers all of those lonely years in the orphanage and at Garden. If Laguna valued his family so much, how could he possibly have let it all slip away so easily?! Just thinking about it made his blood begin to boil. He was spouting lies. Laguna didn't _care_. If he did, why did things turn out this way? Here was a man who'd dropped his supposed "family" at the drop of a hat, and for what? To play President? And everyone in the whole world saw him as a Saint, but Squall knew better than that. Laguna Loire was nothing more than a fool who breezed through life how he saw fit. He acted like he cared about how he affected others, but the young SeeD seriously doubted that was the case. Choosing to let the idiot dig himself into a deeper hole, Squall kept quiet and waited for Laguna to continue.

"But it after a while, it just didn't feel right. It felt like our family wasn't whole just yet. Like every other married couple, we started thinking about having kids someday. At first, we felt kind of bad for considering it. Ellone was so special to us both, and we didn't want her to feel like we would start paying less attention to her or anything. But before we could even bring it up, Elle started asking us when she would get a little brother or sister." He laughed, combing a hand through his hair.

"We told her we'd been thinking about it, and she got even more excited. She would chatter a lot about how much she was gonna love playing dolls with her little sister."

In spite of himself, Squall almost laughed. _'Thanks a lot, Big Sis,' _he snorted to himself. He'd have to keep that in mind for later. Instead of breaking his silence, he settled for rolling his eyes in disgust.

"Haha! Yeah, I thought you'd feel that way. Raine kept telling her we'd have to wait and see, and that the stork might bring her a brother and not to get her hopes up. She came around eventually, of course," he grins. Clasping his hands together over his knees, the smile fades and a somber look takes over Laguna's featues. The young mercenary shifts nervously in his seat. He should have seen this coming; Laguna was using humor as some sort of tactic to lull him into a sense of security. Out of habit, Squall switches his mind into a sort of battle mode, bracing himself for what's next.

"But that's not really the point here. …I was here in Esthar, working on getting this place fixed up, when I got the news that Raine had died. You probably knew that, though. But there's more to it than that. I'm not sure what all you heard, but I did go to see her… grave, after it had happened." Laguna averts his eyes, but that doesn't stop Squall from noticing the look of utter loss and grief on his face. He continues to speak, his voice slightly strained with a pain that never quite went away.

"I'm lucky I even got into town, the people of Winhill hated me so much. They hated me when I showed up, and they hated me even more after your mother died. They blamed me for her death, plain and simple. So when I told them I wanted to see Ellone, they obviously weren't going to have it. They told me that they'd tracked down an old cousin of her mother's, and sent her to live there with her. I tried to get answers out of them, but they wouldn't budge." He sits up a little straighter, crossing his arms much like his son, though Squall doesn't realize. Thankfully for Laguna, he's too wrapped up in what his father is saying.

"I went back to Esthar and tried to use the vast resources we had there to track her, but I couldn't get anything. I was devastated— my wife was dead, and my adopted daughter had practically been wiped off the face of the earth. I had lost Elle, I had lost your mother… And I had lost _you_, and that tore me apart inside." He looks up at his son, no longer afraid of what he might think. He was sure of it now—Squall _needed_ to hear this, even if it hurt the both of them to talk about. More than anything, he needed to let his son know how much he loved him. There was no turning back now.

"It hurt so much to lose Elle and Raine, but don't you see, Squall? I lost you, too. Just because you weren't born didn't mean… It didn't mean that I didn't love you."

The raging anger and accumulated resentment began to crumble rapidly, leaving a very confused and somewhat frightened Squall Leonhart. He _loved _him? Where the hell was this coming from?! No, this wasn't right! Laguna was supposed to say something stupid; leave some huge hole in his logic, _something _for Squall to take his frustration out on. Knowing that Laguna had not only failed as a parent, but knowing that the man didn't really care about him was supposed to be closure for him. Now not only was he making an amount of sense, but saying he _loved_ him?

'_I did not sign up for this. I did __**not**__ sign up for this!' _Unfortunately, Squall was learning the hard way that Garden and SeeD didn't prepare you for everything. What was he supposed to do in a situation like this? He tried to stay calm, but even he knew he was nowhere near composed right now. He could feel himself shaking, his heart was pounding like crazy, and he felt like someone had lit him on fire. _'My father just told me he loved me.' _It was almost too much to process.

It shouldn't have been; after all, Laguna was a pretty affectionate and emotional person. But still, somehow, he didn't expect something like that this soon. Until recently, being told he was loved by a parent wasn't even a possibility in his life. Years ago, when he was a child, he used to see the families walking around Balamb, looking care-free and content. He saw other kids his age holding their mothers' hands and sitting on their fathers' shoulders. He would tell himself he didn't need sentimental comforts like that, but he'd always known deep down he never really meant them. Yes, he had spent a very long time trying to lie to himself. It was true that a part of him craved that attention. So why was he reacting this way? Wasn't he supposed to be happy about this sort of thing? He clenched the hands that were wrapped around his arms. Then it hit him; he was scared. Apparently, after all he'd been through with his friends, he still had trouble opening up. That was the issue here—he was afraid of being vulnerable again. Afraid of becoming attached to this person and not having it work out. Afraid of trying, and then screwing it up beyond repair. Things were easier for him and his father a few hours ago. Sure, they were civil at best, but it was comfortable for Squall. He didn't have to worry about taking risks. In the back of his mind, he thought of his friends, and of Rinoa. He'd taken a chance with _them_. Maybe, just maybe…

"Like I said, Raine and I would talk about what we thought you'd be like. Who you'd look like, what interests you'd have—and we looked forward to it so much. When she died, it was like… All at once, I knew I'd never _know_. I'd never see your face, or hear your laughter. I would never get the chance to see if you took after your mother or me. I would never see you take your first steps. I had this vision of all of us, together. And then you were gone, like that. Before you'd even moved for the first time. I had lost my chance at having a child with Raine, a part of both of us, the final piece to our family. To my knowledge, you'd never even existed in the physical world, but you were _here_," he says desperately, placing a hand over his heart.

"But then when she died, I knew you were gone, too—before I'd ever even held you, and it hurt just as much as it did losing her and Elle."

Frozen in place, Squall can think to do nothing else but breathe and wait. Was it really possible to feel so strongly about someone you'd never met? _'Have I misunderstood?'_

Through the lump in his throat, Laguna finds the strength to give Squall a genuine smile. This was the best part of the story, after all; the happy ending.

"Being able to see Elle again, it was the happiest I'd ever been. I didn't think I'd ever see her again, but there she was, all grown up. It was sad to know I'd missed so much, but I almost didn't care. She was right there in front of me, and I wasn't letting her go again. I didn't think it _could_ get better than that. …And then she sat me down and showed me a little Triple Triad card," he says, pulling the aforementioned object from his shirt pocket.

"And that was when she told me about you. About who you were, what had happened in your life, all sorts of memories form when you were kids. In that one moment, everything I had hoped for years ago was given back to me. I didn't just get my daughter back, I got my son back too—the son I was convinced had never existed outside of my heart. You'll never know how _happy_ I was, Squall. I would actually be able to see your face. I could hear your voice, and talk to you about yourself. I was given the chance to watch you move and breathe and _live_, and I really did think I was going to wake up in my bed any second." Laguna laughs at the memory, too joyful for the right words just by reflecting on it.

Shocked beyond caring about his appearance, Squall's mouth is hanging open. He even (dare Laguna think it?) looks almost relieved, like a burden has been taken from him. So far, so good. No one had a breakdown, nothing was slashed to bits by a gunblade. Laguna leans in a little closer to his son. He has one more thing to say.

"What I'm getting at is, you weren't just some accident. It wasn't like you were some unwanted child that just ended up getting cast aside. I was scared to tell you until now, because I didn't want to chase you away. But, I'll say it now: you were _not_ an accident, Squall." The young man closes his mouth, swallowing hard. For a long time, he thought he'd find closure in rejecting Laguna and going on with his life. By living independently and being strong all on his own.

Now, the truth was clear; closure was being at peace. Laguna extends an arm, placing it on his son's shoulder.

Closure was being brave and facing your problems. Nervous as hell, he looks into his father's eyes to find acceptance, understanding, and most of all, love.

"You were a miracle," he asserts, with all the warmth he can put into words. Closure was moving forward.

Tentatively, Squall gives a shy smile back. It's not much, they both know, but it's a start, and that's all they need for now. Ruffling his son's hair, Laguna stands.

"Ah, I've probably kept you here too long. Yep," he states after a glance at his watch, "It's already dinner time." He shoves his hands in his pockets nervously. _'It would be nice if Squall stayed, but he probably wants to go back to his friends,' _he reasons. _'Besides, even if things have gotten a little better, I'll bet he wants some time away from me. I wouldn't blame him.'_

"Oh, it is," Squall says quietly. How long had he gone without talking? It's still a bit awkward being around Laguna, but Squall finds that strangely enough, he wants to stick around for a little longer. Taking a steadying breath, he looks up at his father.

"So, um, what are some good places to eat around here?" He asks.

Laguna whips around to face his son, surprised. "Um… W-well, there's this Eastern Galbadian place I've been to a few times. Uh… are you saying-?"

"Of course. If you've kept me here this long blabbering on, you're at least buying me dinner," he replies with a rare smirk.

Catching on quickly, Laguna beams back at the mercenary.

"Oh really? Yes, let's mooch off the rich President, eh?" he challenges.

"Fine, don't feed your kid then," he replies with feigned passiveness.

Laguna cries out in protest, walking after his son as they head to the elevator. "Hey, that's not fair! Squall, where are you going? You're not leaving, are you? Hey, c'mon, answer me!"

A few feet ahead, Squall presses the 'down' button and laughs silently to himself. Perhaps spending more time with Laguna wouldn't be _too_ bad. And even though some talks, such as the extremely emotional one they'd just had, were uncomfortable, it seemed the reward for putting up with them was more than worth it.

Throughout his life, there were many things Squall didn't believe in. He didn't believe in fairy tales, or Santa, and he didn't believe in love at first sight or the red string of fate. There were many things he would remain skeptical of for the rest of his life. But that day he admitted to himself that maybe, just perhaps, miracles were one of the things he could believe in.

* * *

Oh. My. God. I can't believe I did this._ I can't believe I did this!_ *Rapunzel*

Seriously, this means so much to me. I hope you guys love this as much as I do. Squall, Laguna, thanks for always being there for me when I needed you.


End file.
